


insanity

by mich_22wolves



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23025925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mich_22wolves/pseuds/mich_22wolves
Summary: Lindsey is trying to be as professional as possible upon arriving in Portland. She tries to avoid all people that could get her in trouble. Turns out Emily Sonnett is hard to avoid.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	insanity

**Author's Note:**

> If there are any grammatical mistakes, I apologize, and feel free to correct me. :)

You pride yourself in being mature for your age. You had to be, moving abroad at such a young age was no easy task. So you skipped out on the silliness of college. Only very rarely do you get the feeling that you've missed something important.

When you meet her for the first time, it's not that exciting. No 'love at first sight' kinda stuff. Emily Sonnett seems shy, hard-working and nice enough. You have to admit that you don't put too much effort into getting to know her, you stick to Tobin in the beginning phases of your time in Portland. So you don't get to see Emily's true colors until the team's first major trip. A hike up Mount Hood. Suddenly, Emily is next to you. For reasons unknown. And either she is just very bored, or she is trying to rope you into a conversation with her. "Did you know that this is a potentially alive stratovolcano. A little scary to think about, but really, if nature decides to fuck us over, we don't stand a chance anyway." That gets a smile out of you, which in return, makes Emily smile. "Do you know the percentage? Like, how likely it is for this thing to blow up?" It's the first real sentence you've said to her ever, and your sudden engagement seems to surprise her. Not enough to deter her from spitting facts about Mount Hood. "Yeah, about 3 to 7%." You nod to show her that you listened. But you can't think of an appropriate response. She doesn't care. "The Multnomah tribe calls this mountain Wy'east. There's a legend, where the two sons of the spirit Sahale, Wy'east and Pahto, fell in love with a beautiful woman named Loowit. She was the indecisive kind, so she had a hard time choosing between the two. They battled for her affection, destroying entire forests and villages in the process. After some time, Sahale, their dad, became pissed and just killed all three of them. He began to feel bad though, so he decided to erect three mountains where each of them had fallen. Beautiful St. Hellen for Loowit, St. Adams for Pahto and the proud Mount Hood for Wy'east." It's not like you are bad with words. Sometimes, the wrong ones just come out. Cause Sonnett just told you a fascinating tale. And the only thing you can think to say is: "Are you insane?" And again, Sonnett surprises you with not being phased one bit, as she just starts laughing hysterically. Tobin, who was walking in front of you, turns around. "What's so funny Sonnett?" "I tell your girl this incredibly entertaining story, about love and family and murder, and she thinks I'm insane." The look Tobin is giving you now is every bit 'mad parent'. It makes you feel ten years old again.  
When you finally arrive at the plateau, you decide to apologize to Sonnett. Yes, you didn't insult her really, and she laughed about it, but Tobin told you to. And you don't want to get off on the wrong foot with anyone. Emily is standing alone, at the railing, looking off into the distance. "Hey." She turns around and smiles when she sees you. At least she doesn't hate your guts. "Hi. Coming back for more insane facts and figures?" You raise your eyebrows. "You have more?" "I don't. But if you want I could look some up and tell you on the bus ride back to the stadium." You are now standing next to her, also looking at the beautiful landscape in front of you. Not looking at her is making it easier to apologize. "I think I'm good for now. I wanted to say that I'm sorry. For saying you're insane. I don't think that. I was just wondering what kind of person knows that much stuff about a random place like Mount Hood. Like, not only the volcano shit but an entire legend about it too." She lets out a chuckle. "Sounds to me like you do think I'm insane." You notice that she doesn't sound offended at all. "Well, not in a negative sense anyway. I haven't been the most open person these past few weeks, I was keeping to myself and stuck by the things I knew. And you got me out of my shell a little and I appreciate that." She lightly bumps her shoulder into yours. "It was my pleasure. If you're ever bored, just call me up and I'll be happy to come around and annoy you with random facts." "I'd like to know facts about you." Where the sudden desire to become closer to Emily comes from, you don't know. "I'm sure that can be arranged." 

You grow closer. Emily starts picking you up before practices, even though it's just a two-minute walk for you. After practice, you hang out at each other's apartments, sometimes with other teammates, sometimes alone. You order food and watch dumb TV shows that you've seen 20 times already. It's just about spending time together. Either talking absolute nonsense, soccer or serious stuff. She's become someone you trust. 

You've been drunk with Emily plenty of times. But after winning the 2017 NWSL championship, both of you are taking it to new heights. The season's over, you are allowed to let it go for once. And it's late as well. Almost morning again, 4:30 a.m. But to you, it still doesn't explain this stupid idea Emily has. Nadia Nadim brought this lemonade powder, from Denmark. She says they put it in drinks, to make them less gross. And while you think that's a smart thing, whatever Emily is doing right now is not. Cause with her credit card, she has formed three straight lines of this powder on the table. "Lindsey!", she screams at you. "Come over here, try this with me." You lost your ability to argue with her after the second beer. So you sit down next to her. Around you are a couple of teammates, mostly younger ones, who all think that snorting this through your nose will be a fun thing to do. But they are all too scared. And you know that Emily is not. She always has something to prove. And if there is nothing she can prove, she'll come up with it, no matter how stupid. "Let's snort this together." You knew that she would say that. But still, with the words actually coming out of her mouth, you can't believe you are even friends with her. You were never friends with people this adventurous, crazy, reckless... "Are you insane?" "Yeah, insanely drunk, insanely happy and insanely good at soccer." And before you can say anything else, Emily snorts one entire line up her nose. "Jesus." Emily's face is scrunched up in pain. "This burns like hell." "Why are you using so many biblical terms?", you joke. "Cause it's not a human experience." She has recovered now. And pointing to the remaining two lines of powder on the table. "You should try it." And she is right. The feeling, burning and painful, is crazy. Not in a good way. But Emily is leaning against your side, laughing and cheering, and then she places a wet kiss on your cheek. Emily Sonnett might not be a human experience.

This year, 2018, is kind of an empty year, at least when it comes to the national team. Yeah, the focus is on the World Cup, but that seems too far away to picture just yet. And while you take nothing in life as serious as soccer, you allow yourself to have a little fun with your friends. It's January Camp for God's sake, you have a lot of time to train and to recover. And technically, sitting around in each other's rooms after curfew is recovery as well. You are sitting on the floor, leaning against the bedframe of Kelley's bed. Kel is rooming with Sonnett and currently breaking curfew herself by still chilling in Allie's and Alex's room. But you aren't complaining, because it allows you to use their room as the unofficial common room for the kids. Emily is laying in her own bed, Sam is beside you on the floor, Rose having draped her legs over both of you. Mal is laying in Kel's bed, just because you all figured Kelley would be the least mad about it if she found out. You just finished watching Mamma Mia, and are currently trying to decide how to waste even more time. "I say we prank call Kelley." Of course, it's Sonnett who suggests it. "Are you insane? You are rooming with her, Son. You won't be able to avoid her wrath.", you say. Kelley loves Sonnett, she would never do anything to her. And sadly, Sonnett knows that. Which means she is unafraid to mess with Kelley every once in a while. They have that southerner-defender bond. At one point, that made you jealous. You didn't have these fundamental things that Emily and you could bond over. But you quickly discovered that in return, you get other things. Like having Emily in your apartment on a day-to-day basis. Never having to play against her. Those are things that Kelley doesn't have. And in the end, it's not a competition. This team is tight, full of close friendships. It's possible to have multiple of those without one being compromised. "Well... I was thinking that maybe one of you would call her. You could just disappear into your rooms and by tomorrow, Kel is gonna be totally chill again." Throwing you under the bus, classic. And yes, she is addressing the others too, but she is looking at you while she says it. And Sam picks up on that. "Linds... good luck." "What makes you think I'm gonna do it?", you ask, slightly exasperated. "Sonnett told you to do it, so you're gonna do it." "If Sonnett jumped off a cliff, would I jump off a cliff as well?" "Probably.", says Mal from above you. "I hate all of you. Yeah, I will call Kelley. But just because I think it's fun, not because Sonnett wants me to." Emily has maintained quiet during this entire discussion. She is just sitting on the bed, hands behind her head, smirking dumbly. While looking like an absolute douchebag, she also looks weirdly attractive. The thought doesn't phase you anymore. You have come to accept that you are somehow attracted to your best friend. "It's fine, Lindsey. We all know you are obsessed with me anyway, there is no need to deny it." Great, now she opens her mouth, not to defend you, but to make you even more flustered. "Alright, what do I tell Kelley. If I am supposed to do the dirty work, y'all can at least mastermind the plan."   
You should've come up with something yourself. Cause every suggestion that is being thrown into the room is worse. Tell her you broke her laptop, tell her you hurt your ankle during sex and don't know how to tell the training staff, tell her that you are in love with her. The thing is, Kelley would believe none of these things."Tell her you got sick and you puked in her suitcase." Of course, the first suggestion that comes from Emily makes you laugh. "Okay, that one is kinda funny. Wouldn't make her wanna kill me, I think." So you decide to go with that one.   
"Horan?" That's exactly the reaction you expected. "Heeeey, Kelleeeyy." You try to sound suspicious right off the bat. You are not a good actor, and your friends are certainly no help. Mal is breathing in your ear and keeps huffing into your neck, making you squirm. Rose and Sam already have to clasp their hands over their mouths to keep from laughing out loud and blowing the whole thing. And Emily, Emily has resumed her casual lounging position on her bed, acting as if nothing of this is her doing. She is distracting you the most. "Everything alright?" You decide to go with the ramble tactic and get everything out at once. "So, I think I kinda ate too much at dinner, or just have some kind of allergy, and we were fooling around in your room, and maybe it's from all the laughing... so I got sick and... maybe puked in your suitcase..." Sam and Rose look like they are about to explode. Mal has backed off a little to not chuckle directly into the phone. Sonnett is biting her tongue. Literally. "You did not! Are you people insane? We are one week into camp, what the fuck am I supposed to wear?" You glance at your friends again, looking for any kind of help. None of them have their shit together though. "Yeah, I know, I'm dumb, but you need to come back here and clean it." Emily's jar has now dropped. "CLEAN IT? Horan, are you out of your mind? Are you still dizzy? Cause there is no way in hell I'm doing that. Ask Sonnett. She is responsible for letting you into my room, and she loves you enough to clean up your puke. If I come down there in an hour or so and there are still any traces of this disaster left, you won't live another day." And she hangs up. For a second, there is stunned silence. And while Mal, Sam, and Rose start to laugh simultaneously, Emily and you stare at each other, smiling. 

Nothing changes right away. In your head, it does though. You know that at one point, Em and you will go from friends to something more. You accept that knowledge without a nervous breakdown or an identity crisis. Because in the end, it's just Emily. She provides you with so much comfort. Which is why you are in no rush to address any of these feelings yet. When you are back in Portland, Sonnett barely leaves your apartment. She sleeps over most nights, in your bed, and only goes to her own place to pick up clean clothes once in a while. You could never grow tired of this. Tobin does though. "You are wasting time. You don't feel pressure, I get it. But I can promise you, once you are dating Sonnett, you will hate yourself for not doing something sooner." And that, you can imagine. Because you've had that thought before. 

"Sometimes I think about how stupid I was when I came here." "You're still stupid."; Emily responds from the other side of the couch. You shove her with your foot. "Stop, you know I hate that." "That's why I'm doing it. Will you let me finish my thought if I stop?" She huffs dramatically. "Fine." You don't know why you have this sudden urge to get this off your chest. It's close to Thanksgiving, so maybe, you are just feeling a little extra thankful. "When I came here I was so determined to stay focused and professional, that I completely forgot about the team-sport aspect of it all. You had to force a conversation on me with your dumb facts, cause I wasn't interested in anyone. It sucks to think that it would've just continued like that if you weren't so stubborn and open-minded. We could've been friends right from the beginning." Emily stays silent for a second. "I think you would've come out of your shell at some point. Tobin would've forced you. You are so nice and fun to be with, there is no chance you wouldn't have had friends. Even without me." She is probably right. But imagining your world without Emily in it seems impossible now.

You are confident in your own feelings for Sonnett and kinda confident in her feelings for you. That doesn't mean that you aren't scared of fucking something up. What if Sonnett doesn't want to screw with team dynamics, what if she wants a 'no-strings-attached' kind of relationship, what if she changed her mind, what if she is actually in love with Kelley (you know you are getting ridiculous, but these things happen when you are overthinking). "Look, Linds, I'm confident y'all will figure something out. But don't take too long cause it's driving me insane." And it didn't drive you insane before, but now it does. Because now, every time you see Sonnett, you get this feeling, like you need to do something, something to show her what you want.

She beats you to it. Of course, she does. "Linds? Will you go out with me?" The formality of it all throws you off a bit. But it doesn't surprise you. Sonnett has never been anything but the perfect gentleman. The setting in which she asks you is also not surprising. She is dropping you off after training, for once not staying at your place. She walked you to your door, for no reason whatsoever. And now she is standing there, looking a little bashful, waiting for your answer. "I'd love to." And then her nonchalance is back. "Sweet, I'll text you about it." And she's skipping (yes, she is skipping down your driveway towards her car) off into the early evening, to leave you smiling on your doorstep.

"So, I tried to find something we haven't done together before, cause that would be a little lame. And I discovered that that is pretty hard, cause what haven't we done together. I also thought something kinda exciting would be good, something to require teamwork." "So you chose for us to go to IKEA and then assemble the furniture." It's a joke. And Sonnett seems to appreciate it, cause she stops her rambling for a second and laughs. "How unromantic do you think I am?" "I don't think you are unromantic at all, you are basically my Prince Charming." Somehow, Emily never blushes. Not when you tease her, not when she is embarrassed, not when you flirt with her. Like she is never caught off guard by anything. "Well, what I was gonna say before I was so rudely interrupted... We're going canoeing. This is why I told you to wear old clothing, cause we might suck at it and end up in the water. My first idea was rock climbing, but I'm not ready for Mark's anger when I'm responsible for injuring his star player." "Oh, didn't know you were going on a date with the one and only Tobin Heath." Emily huffs. "Please, I only take the best out on dates, and who could be better than The Great Horan herself." And you blush.   
Canoeing is no issue for you. Both of you are athletic, coordinated, in sync, so you paddle along the river while checking out the beautiful scenery around you. Sometimes Sonnett comments on weird-looking animals and you laugh about it. Everything is just like it should be, and you have never felt more comfortable on a date ever.   
"Alright, I'm gonna drop you off at your place, so you can change into something more appropriate for dinner and then I'll come to pick you up in.. about an hour." You were fully prepared for the date to end right here, but Sonnett always has an ace up her sleeve. "Oh, so we are doing something we have done before, after all." "I'm only creative to a certain extend, Lindsey. And no good date is complete without dinner." You will have to disagree with her on that, cause this has already been the best date you've ever been on. Which is saying something about the people who have previously taken you out on dates, but you don't wanna think about them now.  
Dinner is nothing fancy. It's comfortable and fun. Maybe, because you don't need to make polite small talk in a desperate attempt to get to know the other person in an evening. Sonnett knows you better than most other people in the world. So, really, there is no need to talk about anything besides the usual stuff. You talk about how Caitlin tripped in yesterday's training, how Tobin threatened both of you to finally make a move, how Kelley went easy on you when she discovered that you were forced to make that prank call by Sonnett ('Force' is a strong word, you did it pretty much voluntarily, but Emily took the blame for you anyways).   
So far, all of this has felt normal. Up until this point. Cause never before has your urge to kiss her been this strong. You are back on your doorstep. If Sonnett will come in or not is uncertain at this point. "Well, I hope you enjoyed today." So you guess not. "I did, Sonnett. A lot." And Tobin told you to stop always waiting. So you do. And when the two of you finally stop kissing, still standing pretty much on the sidewalk, Sonnett mumbles: "You know that I will still go home tonight, right? My momma taught me to be a good girl." You groan. "You're gonna drive me fucking insane, Emily Sonnett."

The thing is: Life with Emily by your side was always insane and will never stop being so. When you almost score on that bicycle kick against Houston, she is still screaming about it when you get back to your flat. "THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE, LINDSEY! I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE!" You have long accepted the fact that Emily will always be your world's biggest fan.   
When she is meeting your parents for the first time, she is so extremely nervous, she won't stop chewing on her fingernails, on her lip or bouncing her leg. "Emily, calm down, you look insane to everyone at this airport. My parents aren't monsters, they won't tear you apart upon first sight." She takes a deep breath. "But maybe upon second sight."   
Emily is drunk again. Hammered. Yeah, you just won the World Cup. So she has good reason to be. But now that you are kind of responsible for her, it stresses you out a little. "Calm down Linds, she's with Kelley, nothing is gonna happen." "I'm sorry, have you SEEN the state Kelley is in? She can't take care of herself right now." Emily has disappeared from your sight 30 minutes ago, and you are worrying. The next time you see her, she is standing on the table in the middle of the room. She has a sparkler in her hand and is swaying to the music playing with Kelley. All of this seems like a hazard. So you do the only responsible thing and join her on the table. To steady her, of course, and to get her as far away from the open fire in her hand as possible. "Linds, there you are. Here, I brought you a sparkler." She shoves the stick into your hand. "Emily, are you fucking insane?" You are laughing, despite having been seriously worried just a second ago. "Yeah, insanely in love with you."  
Emily can't stop crying long enough to get the words out, but you can guess already. She is being traded, and both of you are shattered. You know it won't change your relationship, the two of you are still in love and still super committed to this thing. But it still hurts. An insane amount.   
"Why did you have to move somewhere where it is so insanely hot, like, all the time?" "I thought it would match my girlfriend." And she makes you smile, even though you feel like shit, because it's hot as hell, you just carried a ton of boxes up the stairs of her apartment and you will have to leave without her in two weeks.

You never stop having some insanity in your life. But that's because you never stop having Emily Sonnett in your life. And you wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
